Me

Well, here we go....

I'm Nina. 

I'm starting this blog in an attempt to try and focus on myself and resolve some issues within myself. Actually a lot of issues. For the past 11 years I've been a mom, for the past 6 years I've been a mom to two. I've been a wife for 15 years. I've been a girlfriend for 9 years before that. So basically 24 years of my 44 years.  I am absolutely not saying this is a bad thing. I love my girls and my husband. I am just really bad at multitasking and to be honest I'm not so great at just tasking, and somewhere along the way I lost myself. Maybe I never had myself. I don't really ever remember a time where I didn't feel obligated to anyone. I do things for others. Even mundane things. And the things I SHOULD do for myself I don't want to, so it feels like punishment. Things like exercising and eating healthy. Yet I absolutely hate every inch of my body as a result of NOT doing it so there's that. Either way I'm fucked. So to restore some self love, I really need to do that. But I am so angry. I am so so angry when I think about how I got here.  I don't care if anyone reads this, but i have to give myself an outlet. I can't start another year without doing that. So I promise to write each day. Even if it's just a word. We will see what this morphs into. Weight loss? Well hopefully. But my kids are hysterical and difficult and brilliant and reallllllly moody. So there will be that. I'm trying to fix up a house that my husband grew up in and was owned by his family for over 40 years. And not like instagram fix up, like real life fix up. Which means, 1 major job every 5 years or so, and lots of little refreshers that don't cost a lot. I'm trying to find me and figure out things like feeling my feelings. allowing myself to love myself and all of that fun stuff.  So if you do see this...hi. Maybe it will be fun, maybe it will be insane ramblings of a middle aged fat woman. But most likely it will be both.

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